Friday, May 17, 2019

True Forgiveness...

Can you forgive someone yet still carry anger for them?


However, I convinced myself I could.

What I really did was turn the residual anger I subconsciously carry towards my father on someone else. I've come to the realization that while I may have forgiven my father for not being there, I haven't been able to get past the fact that to this day, he still won't acknowledge my existence. It's weird, really. I don't want a relationship with him but it still hurts that he is not sorry.

And I guess the hurt over that goes deeper than I thought. But it will be okay. I am now aware of it and being aware is the first step towards letting it go.

The second step is acknowledging that I let the hurt affect me and my actions.

I acknowledge that I still have a path I need to walk before I reach the point of being fully healed. And if I want my film to be painfully honest, real and organic, I am going to have to address this issue on camera.

I'm still having a hard time opening up and expressing my true feelings on camera because I've kept everything inside myself all these years. I'm hoping that acknowledging it here first will make actually talking about it easier.

I knew this was going to be the most difficult project of my career thus far, but DAMN!

Guess we will find out how my journey ends when I finish this documentary.

On a final note to parents, don't abandon your children. It fucks with their minds...

Thursday, February 28, 2019

My absent father

A year ago, I really didn't know if I would ever make it to the place I am today or if I would ever be able to write the letter below and actually mean it.

Yet here I am and I do. I mean every word.

To my absent father:

I forgive you. I forgive you for not being there. I forgive you for not wanting to be there and I forgive you for all the pain you caused me through the choices you made.

I may have never met you but we remain connected through negative emotions and it is time to sever that connection and set both of our souls free. I don't want anything from you and you owe me nothing. I absolve you of any karmic debt connected to me.

I thank you for two things -- for giving me life and for the creative talent I have been blessed with that obviously runs in your side of the family. I acknowledge that most of my talent came through you. However, nurturing that talent and always striving to use it for the betterment of humanity comes through me and the life lessons taught to me by my mother.

I never thought I would be able to say this, but I am thankful for you and how you treated me. That pain made me the person I am today and I am proud of who I am.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Just Call Me Lisa

Turning the camera on myself is not easy. But for this documentary, it is necessary.

One of the most difficult, challenging and scary things I have ever done, yet also one of the most honest, soul-freeing and healing. I can't hide my true feelings from the camera so you get to see the real me. The painful part that I usually keep hidden. 

And the things I have discovered on this cinematic journey so far? You'd have a hard time believing me if I told you...

Thankfully I don't have to tell you because when this project is complete, you can see it for yourself.

Stay tuned.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

And I finally have my documentary title!


A Journey of Healing

“I don’t feel like I have a family name or history that I am connected to. When I was born, my mother didn’t want me to have the stigma of being a bastard on paper so she gave me her ex-husband’s last name, Pinter. I was married for awhile and became Lisa Purves. After I got divorced, I couldn’t go back to Pinter because it doesn’t belong to me. I couldn’t take my mother’s maiden name because her father wouldn’t accept her giving him a black grandchild. I couldn’t take my father’s last name because he refuses to acknowledge me. So I kept Purves, even though that doesn’t belong to me either. When I introduce myself to people, I always say my last name really fast and when they say, Lisa who?, I tell them to JUST CALL ME LISA...”

Started out this doc with plans to have numerous people in the same boat as I, share their stories. Turns out it isn't easy to find people willing to open up their inner pain to the public. Who knew?

Well, someone's gotta do it -- it's the only way to shed light on how deeply being abandoned by a parent affects a person for life -- and my director thinks it should be me.

So okay.

Monday, January 15, 2018

2018 brings change!

Long time!

2017 was an interesting year for me, especially in it's final few months. It's a long story so I'll cut to the chase, I'm making my first feature length documentary.

Last year, I was working on an especially deep and dramatic script and in the middle of writing a particularly difficult scene between a father and daughter, I burst into tears. That's not unusual since as a writer, you become your characters while writing so you feel all their emotions, but this time was different. This time, the crying didn't stop for a few months. Until I finally realized that my issue had nothing to do with the script I was writing and everything to do with the painful feelings about being abandoned by my father as a baby.

I started doing research about my circumstance and came across a plethora of information, statistics, papers, interviews, books, etc., about the effects of being abandoned by a parent and in it all, I found myself. Completely, absolutely me and how I felt deep inside throughout my whole life. I also found that I am not alone. Not by a long shot. The statistics of abandoned children and the repercussions of being one are staggering. So staggering that I felt compelled to bring the issue to light.

I put my other projects on hold to make a documentary about abandoned children which will include my own personal story. I'm asking people involved in this documentary to share their own private hell, which includes feelings of shame, humiliation and unworthiness, in a public platform when it's hard enough to acknowledge those feelings within yourself. I can not ask any of them to do something I am not fully prepared to do myself.

I started by telling parts of my story through my social media accounts in the past few months and will tell the rest in this documentary. And if you are curious, yes, it sucks. Yes, it is embarrassing for me, and yes, it hurts. A lot. I liken it to having open heart surgery while you are awake. But on the flip side, I have found such a strength in myself that I never knew existed. I'm well on my way to being healed and I sincerely hope to help others find the path to their own healing through this film.

So let the games begin! Stay tuned for more details :)

And I did have a title, but as with documentaries, you follow one lead which leads you to another until suddenly the story is much bigger than you first anticipated. There will be a title change in the near future.

Happy 2018, all. I hope this year leads you on a path to fulfillment within yourself just like it did for me :)

Monday, July 17, 2017

Movie of the Week!

One of the short films that I wrote and produced, DEUTERONOMY 24:16, has been chosen as Movie of the Week on starting Saturday, July 22nd, 2017.

They even put together a short teaser for it.

If you happen to subscribe to the channel and want to check it out, please do :)

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Opening my next door...

Our small slate of three shorts films sold to The Shorts Movie Channel, ShortsHD on DIRECTV and a number of other providers. All three will be available in the USA and Europe to over 40 million viewers! They're all great films (nope, not bragging - lol) and if you happen to be interested in our work, check them out!

We are all super-happy and I am especially proud because with that, my little short film career comes to an end.

I am a writer first but needed to learn how to produce, mostly so that I could control my own writing. I didn't want to take some boring classes so I jumped into the short film industry to learn everything hands-on. I figured that if you're going to fuck up, which you're bound to while learning, it's better to be on a short film than a feature that has a hell of a lot more $$$ at stake. Good decision, too, as I've made some fuck ups along the way, believe me!

I've worked on many many short film projects over the past five years (although quite a number are not listed on my IMDb page -- sometimes I refuse credits), a TV movie and a feature film, and am confident that I have acquired enough knowledge to move towards my next set of goals!

What are my next set of goals, you ask?

The specifics are personal for now, but they do involve writing and feature films. And also branching outside of Canada!